Exposed!

The fraud exposed! The impostor has been discovered. Without space to wiggle free and without cover to hide behind, the lie has come to light for all to see. And even if the rest of the world is unable to recognize it. I see it plainly, for the culprit is me.

You see, while engaging in techniques that focus on bringing this sort of thing to light, I found within myself the very thing I had been afraid of. That sham of religious practices meant to disguise an otherwise sinful old beggar had finally given way under the careful scrutiny of a heart in pursuit of truth.

Love is the acid test. It is the thing that strips away every pretence leaving intent standing naked to the world…to myself.

I had caught myself in an exercise meant to extricate the last traces of this person whom I had thought long dead, long gone, forever nailed to a cross of shame, damned and condemned, never to rise again.

Instead, what I found is that with my new pair of speckles all the vibrancy of my surrounding sprung to life with a pallet of colors ranging from deep emotion to symmetrical logic, and there, there hiding in the corner, attempting desperately not to be obvious was the man, me, my carnal nature, my natural condition.

Coy, cute, clever, ouster, religious, pious, the gambit of justifications ran on as that ol’ chameleon struggled to blend into the background, but it was too late. I had heard his voice. I recognized the twisted logic, the rational, the bent reasoning and those inflections of charm meant to make all seem okay.

Well it isn’t okay.
It’s quite “unokay”.
It was in fact a major fail, a blemish, a smear.
It was all that I had been afraid of, for at a critical juncture when complete transparency, clarity, honesty had been the goal. There he was. That man of selfish ambition and vile operation.

Has anyone else noticed?
Does that matter? Really?

For standing up for Love and declaring a life driven by Love means performing for an audience of one. He is the very source, the context, the Father of Creation, and certainly I can not disguise this or hide it or even explain it away.

Somewhere, somehow, in some way, I’d begun to construct a model on which I could build a deception so thin I could hide it in the light of day.

But God is faithful, for the story is not about how we have been blessed with all that we want, but that we are being blessed to become all that we ought to be.

Had I not taken such measures and made those observations I would still be blind to the operation of that ol’ beggar in my life and would have continued on hoping for a deeper understanding only to fall flat again and again.

There is another man. And he is just as recognizable, but less incline to intrude. He waits for the invitation. He stands at the door and knocks rather than bursting through the door or sneaking in a side window.

And though I have declared Him to be King over my world and my life, He will not fight me for the throne because He doesn’t need to.

To the contrary, I am the one who needs this relationship. It benefits me to let Him rule.

The sooner I relinquish control, the sooner the process begins of becoming who I was always meant to be. And isn’t that really one of the very few ambitions worthy of the doing?

In Christ I have love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. They spring from inside me.

But apart from Christ I must rely on exterior forces to line up for me to experience any sort of happiness, and that happiness is only a temporary condition, it's all a matter of waiting for the fail that is coming…not much of a choice really.

I'll surrender the rebel, take up my cross, and wait for what comes next thank you very much. ;)